24 and fighting about the future in-laws

So..I turned 24 this week. 24 seems really adult. My mom mentioned to me on the phone today that 24 scares her because in her head it is much more adult than 23. I've now been out of undergrad for over a year, will be getting married this year, and really am building a life of my own. And apparently me being an adult scares her because it means she might be old.

Other than that the big event this week is the biggest fight I've had with my sweetheart in a long time. We have always had what I call a good fighting relationship. We fight on a somewhat regular basis, to varying degrees, but at this point we've learned to recover from them and make up afterwards. It always freaks me out when my friends tell me they NEVER fight with their significant other since recovering from a fight is a necessary couple skill.

Anyway, so we were riding home from the city and were discussing how Sweetheart needs to tell his parents our wedding date. We set a wedding date 6 months ago and they still don't know...but then again it was 9 months after we got engaged when he told them that.

Let me back up now and explain Sweetheart's relationship with his parents and their relationship with me. Sweetheart has seen his parents maybe 4 or5 times in the 4 years we have been together. Ever since we started dating, he has spent holidays with my family. His family isn't into togetherness or holidays...something I totally don't understand coming from a large extended family that all live within 10 miles of my grandmother. His parents have never said anything or seemed to care that their only child doesn't come home. He doesn't send his parents birthday presents and this was the first year he has EVER sent his parents a christmas present and then only because I insisted. He loves his mom and tries to do right by her but he respects his dad and appreciates the sacrifices he has made to make my sweetheart's life better but his dad has been genuinely awful with him over the years. His dad is a grmpy English man--very the stereotypical grumpy English man--and is hyper critical of his wonderful son, who went to a good school, got good grades, got a job after graduation. Yeah--he didn't pick the career his dad wanted, and he's not perfect. But he sure is a good kid and doesn't deserve the crap his dad has given him and I don't know the half of it since he doesn't like to get into it. It is the one thing that ever really makes him cry is talking about his dad. rips my heart out every time.

His parents' relationship with me isn't much better. They have met me 3 times in 4 years. The first time we had been dating for a year and they were driving through the city while moving across the country and stopped to see Sweetheart. They took us out to a nice Italian dinner. His dad didn't really talk to me. His mom mostly talked to me about whether or not I could cook. The second time I met them was a year and a half later. I went the summer after I graduated from undergrad to their house to spend 10 days with them. His dad is only home during weekends so I didn't talk to him much. His mom asked my some questions and tried to get to know me better but we never really connected. I found out later that his mom thinks I'm nice and that his dad's primary opinion was that I'm not pretty enough for his son. After that, I have met them once more at Sweetheart's graduation this past May. That has been the most pleasant meeting to date mostly because his mom and I are getting more comfortable with each other (slightly) and his dad basically does not acknowledge that I am present at all.

Needless to say, I'm not super fond of his parents. I think his mom is nice but hasn't really tried very hard to get to know her future daughter-in-law. I really do my best not to care what his dad thinks of me. I'm way to proud to admit that him saying I'm not pretty enough gets to me. I mostly don't like his dad because of how he has effected his son. I really hate what he has done to someone who deserves better.

I think maybe that is enough for now...I'll get back to the fight later...tomorrow maybe.

Flashback to November 2004

Anyone who knows me and my sweetheart (as my significant other will be referred to from here on out), knows full well that we fight pretty much all the time. Sometimes its serious and real but most of the time its out of fun and pure silliness...and our intense love of driving each other nuts. None of this is really any different from when we were just friends. We loved to harrass each other just as much when we were friends. No one thought that would change. Its probably not capable of chaning. Its really the way we intereact and talk to each other and most of the time the fighting is really all in good fun.

Especially since mostly we seem to fight for real over IM. (we go to Dork School...definitely) And if you've ever encountered me after a fight you know how bad they can be. Fighting with him sucks and it hurts. But in the end, we always end up better than before somehow. We figure stuff out when we fight that we never talk about otherwise because we are so busy protecting the other person from our honest complaints or thoughts about the relationship. Its really funny to think that is has been almost eight months. Seems like we've been dating forever and like we just started dating yesterday at the same time.

My Sweetheart is meeting my whole family this weekend. He's coming home for Thanksgiving. So if you're a friend from home and you want to see me and maybe meet him over break, I'll be home Wednesday around dinner time. Give me a call on my cell phone or whatever and we can make some plans. The only plans I have are dinner Thursday and random shopping with mom.

I'm excited about him meeting my family and amused because he seems to have no fear....they'll be interesting stories after this weekend I'm sure. hehehe. (He should have more fear)


This old entry amuses me because it indicates a lot of important things about my relationship. Him meeting my parents was totally huge for me. My mom is my absolute best friend. Every time someone tells me that I am just like her I think it is the best compliment even when Dad's family means it as an insult. He's the only boyfriend I ever brought home more than twice. It also hints to the fact that my sweetheart and I were pretty good friends for about a year before we ever starting dating and that we met in college...a very dorky college. Needless to say, his meeting with my family went VERY well. They all love him, even more now than they did them. My mom even claims he is her favorite child...this is funny but also drives me nuts. I've put up with their special breed of crazy for 24 years...he's only put up with it for less than 4.

The Beginning

I'm not really sure where to begin which is a little strange because I've done this before. I seem to regularly start a blog and then it fades away but I'm starting one partially to really open up to people and partially because my life seems so crazy full of everything right now that maybe this will help me keep it in perspective and make it all make SOME sense.

So anyway, I'm 24 or I will be in about a week. 24 seems somehow awfully grown up and kind of scary and its going to be such a big year. I'm still working on getting my doctorate and am at the point where I feel like I'm never going to get out of school. I'm getting married after christmas and have done almost no wedding planning despite being engaged for almost 2 years.

The best way to get to know me may be reading about my everyday life. I may also go back and post some old things but I'll try to remember to put those in italics and indicate when they were written.

so here it is...my life.